In my quest to "awaken my fat to its true mission in life" (becoming energy for me) I can't help but think about all the years of fearing food. Which foods are good... Which are bad...Guilt... Sneak Eating... Calories... Carbs... Fats... Counting.... Weighing... It's no wonder I'm gaining weight, because apparently what you think about is what you draw to yourself. Great, so all this time that I've been panicking about my weight I was really begging to get more.
A friend of mine recently ate chocolate and told me how guilty she felt about doing that. How many times did I feel the burn of guilt after eating ‘something bad’… I can’t even count. But what are we guilty about? Did we steal this food? No. Did it belong to someone else? No. So where is this guilt going? Oh, that’s right, the guilt is going into our bag of personal torture devices. Guilt is seated right next to self loathing (it’s a tight fit, but they are very close) and next to them is unrealistic expectations which happens to be holding hands with misery over lost dreams… I think you get the picture.
No more guilt (a wasted emotion) – food is just food, and I am no longer an 8 year old who is being scrutinized by what I am “supposed” to eat. So now the more that I get in touch with what hunger signals my body is actually sending, I don’t have to eat until I am unable to move in order to be full, and neither do I have to wait until my hands shake and my stomach groans before I allow myself to eat. There is a happy medium, but finding that sweet spot is a journey in itself, one step at a time.
“Friend” Your Fat
My weight has been an issue my whole life. Well, even when it wasn't an issue I was led to believe it was a problem. As a result, my weight continued to grow as I filled the pockets of every weight loss conglomerate to try and shed these unwanted pounds. I've spent my life as a human accordion - fat gain/weight loss/fat gain/weight loss (losing the weight of an entire family in the process). All the while hating this fat. Blaming my fat for any life challenges or any issues faced. Always turning my anger on my arch enemy - my super powered nemesis - FAT.
"What you resist persists." After years of angst it recently hit me, what is fat anyway? It's stored energy. It's not an evil overlord with the ulterior motive of ruining my life (Tell that to my teenage years that were ruined by being a fattie). But 'fat' was just a thing, a mere noun and not a ruthless destroyer of lives.
A scientific definition - "Fat is a necessary, efficient source of energy. An ounce of fat contains more than twice as much stored energy as does an ounce of protein or carbohydrates and is digested more slowly, resulting in the sensation of satiety after eating. It also enhances the taste, aroma, and texture of food. Fat, or adipose tissue, protects and insulates internal organs against heat loss and regulates cholesterol metabolism."
I had no idea fat was so awesome!
This gave me an idea – stop fighting and start inspiring my own fat. After reading all these inspirational books about visualizing and manifesting, it was time to use what I learned. I was going to be an inspirational leader to my fat. Appeal to its natural talents rather than hating fat and fighting it. Rally the fat troops to live up to their full potential of being energy.
The battle cry: "Come on fat cells! We've been together a long time. Now it's your turn to do what it is you do best.... Be Energy! I am no longer going to hold you back with slurs and epithets hurled to hurt your feelings. You have goals, my dear fat, and I will no longer stand in your way. So, I encourage you to get out there and be energy. Live the life that was meant for you and you alone. You were born as energy, and you should live as energy. Go fat go!"
So that's where I am at this point. I do sort of feel a bit of a shift and feel like eating carrots and hummus. Who knows, maybe this could be the answer to my weight problem... I mean 'weight energy.'